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Ok I am the caregiver. This topic is becoming a big problem for me. First I have a very weak stomach. Second, if we are at someone's home or if we have company, I have to go check bathroom every time he goes. It is very likely floor and rug will be wet or something smeared. I am really struggling. Would love to hear how other CG handle this delicate subject
@A MyParkinsonsTeam Member. You poor thing. This is tough. And there's really not much that you can do about this because this is incontinence and he has no control over it either. However, perhaps you should assist him especially if you're at someone else's home. Go with him to the bathroom and help him do what he has to do. When it's over clean everything up so that you won't be worried about a mess being encountered.
I know you say you have a weak stomach so do what you can and do as fast as you can to prevent such a big mess being made. Does he wear depends? If so Instead of taking the depends off over his feet, cut it off with scissors. Then you can easily remove it and place it in a plastic bag you will keep in your purse and then throw it away. If he is not wearing depends put one on him when you take him out..
Minimize handling it the best you can and the least you can. It Is not easy but it can be easier with just a few tricks of the trade. Also bring scissors, baby wipes, a pair of rubber or latex gloves along with you and put those on so you don't get it on your hands.Actually I recommend that you set up something like a babies diaper bag for him when you take him out. That way you'll have everything you need. When you need it, you just grab it and go. Cutting the depends off is so much easier than trying to get it over his legs and over his feet. That can be very very messy. You can avoid that. Good luck with everything. Sterling
Good Morning @MyParkinsonsTeam users... and @A MyParkinsonsTeam Member. I know EXACTLY what you all are talking about. Let me ask a couple of questions:
1. Do you feel at home the "rely" on us too much and so therefore make a bigger mess than if they were home alone? My husband has always been one to make a mess in the bathroom even before his PD dx. And now...I'm in the same boat as you. WORSE THAN GOING IN THE STALL AFTER 100 ELEPHANTS. UGGGGGGG. It doesn't embarrass me as much as makes me mad. He KNOWS he's made a mess and leaves it for me to clean up. If they were like this before they will continue to be like this.
2. Do we allow them to be independent or do we as caregivers and wives feel it's our "responsibility" to make sure everything is perfect? Well... that answer is twofold.
a. Yes we feel it is our responsibility. Raised like ladies were in our time we were taught to always be there and do everything we needed to in order to take care of our spouses and keep our homes in order. Was that the wrong type of raising? Lord no!!!!! Most wives, and not even just the young ones, are so selfish that they totally forget about their husband and families. So no, we were brought up during an amazing time where husbands and wives were the center of the home. Not a divided entity.
b. Maybe we don't let them be independent because of that upbringing because we are supposed to take care of and make better everything. I'll be honest with you, I HATE Parkinson's. I have never seen such a debilitating, life taking and altering disease as this before. It slowly takes away their purpose for life, their independence, their ability to do simple tasks like drive, go to the bathroom, take a shower, get dressed.
What's my answer? My husband is at the close end of stage 4 teetering on stage 5 of Parkinsons' and this has happened in a short 8 years so I just want you to know that I feel everything you all are going through before I say this. I make him a small list every day of things to do, just like I do my 10 year old son. Get dressed, take meds, and then I add, when you go to the bathroom make sure you clean up your mess. It may sound elementary, but my goodness it works. It gives him that little bit of independence to still do his own things but yet I do still go back and follow up and make sure he has completed his "chores". If the bathroom isn't left the way I had it I take him back and make him re-do it. He doesn't mind because he feels useful.
Going out, my son goes in with him and if he needs me he comes and gets me. So far that hasn't been a problem but we have gotten close at times. LOL. I have a soft stomach on some things but thank goodness for me this isn't one that bothers me. Ladies, we have a long road to go and if we can try to laugh about some of these things we will make it together.
If your husband can't control his bladder, he most likely hates what is happening more than you. My husband went through this for awhile and it is very tiring to follow him around wiping up after him. There may be another problem also. Perhaps an enlarged prostrate? They had to scrape my husbands prostrate, didn't help, found out he has 4th stage kidney disease which caused some of this. He had superpubic procedure a month ago, wears a bag, and he is much more happier and so Am I. Day bag very discreet, night bag not so much, but who cares. Good luck and don't sweat the small stuff!
This may sound weird, but I just sit on the throne to help aim the flow down. My wife doesn't know that I do this, but I know she prefers a clean restroom, it's the least I can do.
@ PhyllisLaurinoVanSomeren I've had to go into mens bathroom once...It was terrible. He and I were in the stall and another man came in and did his business while we were in there.
He does wear depends but can't seem to get up or down either. He has come out of bathroom many times with wet pants.
A lot of times the Depends does not do the job at night and sheets/protector, etc is wet and stinks. This is driving me crazy...it is like a never ending process.
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